So I guess the only time I'll be blogging this summer is while I'm getting my car washed ;). I have a few free minutes so I thought I put a few things out in the blogosphere. Charley started summer school on Monday and I hope the first week is the staff just working out the kinks. I'm trying to stay positive. Funny enough as worried as I am about how disorganized summer school is Charley seems to love it. We have a few big things coming up. Charley's step dads family will be here tomorrow for 10 days. We are all very excited. Then in August charley has sedated procedures. She will be seen by a lot of her specialists. Then in September she is having another hip surgery. Here's praying it all goes by smoothly and quickly.
Today was one of those days! A day that I longed for my childhood, to have no responsibility and to have one hug from my Mom fix everything. Sometimes it is so hard to be a Mother! No one can ever prepare you for how much you will love your child. When they hurt you hurt with them. When they are sad you would stop at nothing to see them smile again. My heart hurts daily for my precious girl. I will never understand why Charley has to endure so much. When I pray for her I am not asking God for her to walk or talk. I am praying for her to be happy and pain free. I feel like I am failing her. Why is she crying and hitting? Is she hurting? Is she hungry? Is she tired? What else can I do? A million and one guesses go through my mind each day. It is a process of elimination and it is exhausting. Sometimes, to keep things light, when I finally figure out what she needs I say "well Charley Elizabeth why didn't you just say so?". She gives me her sassy look - as to say "Mom I don't think your near as funny as you think you are!" Today I felt desperate. It breaks my heart that she gets so frustrated. I can only imagine what it must be like for her. She depends on me for everything. She can't tell me what sounds good to eat or if her head hurts. Sometimes I think I would give anything to be in her head for one day. To know what she is thinking would change everything. She is my world and I can't help her in the way I want to. Luckily this afternoon she had horseback riding at R.E.I.N.S. and I was able to have 30 minutes with Charley at her happiest. The second she got on her horse everything changed and a smile come across her face. I love that smile. Her smile can wash away all of the days challenges and heartache. Thank God for that beautiful smile.
So we are taking Charley to the San Diego Fair. I'm not sure if we are brave or just crazy. It's going to be crowded and loud - two of Charley's least favorite things. Wish us luck! Pictures to follow :)
|