Today was one of those days! A day that I longed for my childhood, to have no responsibility and to have one hug from my Mom fix everything. Sometimes it is so hard to be a Mother! No one can ever prepare you for how much you will love your child. When they hurt you hurt with them. When they are sad you would stop at nothing to see them smile again. My heart hurts daily for my precious girl. I will never understand why Charley has to endure so much. When I pray for her I am not asking God for her to walk or talk. I am praying for her to be happy and pain free. I feel like I am failing her. Why is she crying and hitting? Is she hurting? Is she hungry? Is she tired? What else can I do? A million and one guesses go through my mind each day. It is a process of elimination and it is exhausting. Sometimes, to keep things light, when I finally figure out what she needs I say "well Charley Elizabeth why didn't you just say so?". She gives me her sassy look - as to say "Mom I don't think your near as funny as you think you are!" Today I felt desperate. It breaks my heart that she gets so frustrated. I can only imagine what it must be like for her. She depends on me for everything. She can't tell me what sounds good to eat or if her head hurts. Sometimes I think I would give anything to be in her head for one day. To know what she is thinking would change everything. She is my world and I can't help her in the way I want to. Luckily this afternoon she had horseback riding at R.E.I.N.S. and I was able to have 30 minutes with Charley at her happiest. The second she got on her horse everything changed and a smile come across her face. I love that smile. Her smile can wash away all of the days challenges and heartache. Thank God for that beautiful smile.
You express yourself so beautifully Alicia. I'm so glad you have created this blog. And you do an amazing job of deciphering Charley's wants and needs. I love you.
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Alison
7/17/2012 06:09:28 am
Ahh, Alicia! You are so amazing!!!!
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Phill 4:13
He sees you and hears your prayers. Keep praying!
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Brenda
7/17/2012 10:12:39 am
Alicia, thank you for sharing. You are an amazing woman and a most amazing Mother! Your strength, love, and compassion is an inspiration. xoxo
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Laura
7/24/2012 12:42:26 pm
It's incredible the magical power horses have for our kiddos! Hang in there Alicia. You're an amazing mom!
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Linda
9/12/2012 12:36:06 pm
Sweet girl you are an amazing woman whom God has entrusted with one of his most precious gifts. You are doing a wonderful job raising our granddaughter. I only wish we were closer so I coul help you when you needed a little "me" time. Just deep doing what you are doing and you will do fine. I Love You
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My Name is Alicia
I am a stay at home Mom sharing my struggles & joys that come with raising a child who has special needs. Welcome to my blog.