As this weekend comes to an end I have a lot to reflect on. To say that this weekend was tough would be an understatement. If having an emotional breakdown was an olympic sport I would have taken home the gold! Charley's self injurious behavior (SIB) issues hit an all time high this weekend and to top it off she has recently fallen back into the pattern of trying to physically hurt me. On Saturday we attended a retirement BBQ for one of Charley's favorite teachers. I feel like I did everything right. I told her a social story about the events of the day, packed her favorite foods, and had fun music playing in the van the whole drive there. The second we arrived I regretted leaving the house. Charley was screaming, hitting herself, pulling out my hair, hitting me in the face, and scratching at me. I had an expectation that the day would go smoothly and I was left extremely disappointed. I want to give Charley as many typical life experience as possible but after Saturday I just wanted to go home lock all the doors and shut everyone out. I just kept thinking why is this happening - why does my child have to go through this? I cried the whole way home and then after putting Charley down for a nap I cried myself to sleep. I just felt so lost and alone in the moment. As I look back now I see how I am never alone. I see my amazing friends and family supporting me and I see my loving husband doing whatever he can to help. Tonight I am exhausted but I am hopefully that tomorrow will bring a better day. I love my Charley Girl more than anything and I just want her to be happy.
I wish there were some great words of wisdom I could offer that would provide great insight. But I can only say my heart goes out to you both and I'm here for you and Charley in any way I can be. Hoping tomorrow brings a better day.
Reply
Lalania
6/4/2012 11:10:19 pm
I'm just so glad you are blogging about your experiences. You have given yourself the gift of an outlet for your experiences and emotions and the world the gift of your beautiful perspective and all it encompasses. I love you.
This entry made me sad. I never tire of trying to find new ways to help that sweet girl choose other forms of "self expression". What makes you a phenomenal mother is that you don't lock yourself in. Although the tougher option, giving Charley the chance to experience sometimes stressful situations is what will help her learn to cope in those situations. I don't think that much of Charley's accomplishments in our sessions have anything to do with me or behavior analysis, but that Charley was given the opportunity to amaze us. I live for the days that she does just that.
One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. When in a tough moment, take a moment to remind yourself of the last small triumph. (And that no one has stabbed you with a pencil) :)
Reply
Alicia Linder
6/7/2012 12:52:51 pm
Thank you Megan :) no matter how overwhelmed I am I can always calm myself with that thought........ at least I haven't been stabbed with a pencil. ;)
Reply
Leave a Reply.
My Name is Alicia
I am a stay at home Mom sharing my struggles & joys that come with raising a child who has special needs. Welcome to my blog.